I've been MIA from the blog for several reasons lately. First, we had a German exchange student for 3 1/2 weeks that kept me pretty busy. Second, we had Spring Break and a trip to my daughter's college choice for a dance audition (she was accepted and received a scholarship from the dance dept) which involved 3 trips in 3 weeks and was exhausting. And finally, our beloved puggle puppy was killed when she was run over by the mailman's car this week. We're very sad about that.
Now, the house is empty and quiet. The German student has returned to her family. We enjoyed her visit very much and learned a lot from her. It was great to have her in our lives. Our youngest daughter is very busy working and preparing for prom, graduation and her trip to Germany. So, she's not home very much. And, the oldest daughter is still off at college.
And now I understand what an empty nest feels like. It's quiet.
This post has nothing at all to do with frugal living. I'll get back on track with those thoughts soon enough.
What I'm writing about today is giving ourselves permission to grieve. I'm grieving several things right now. Of course, the loss of my little buddy but also the changes occuring in my life also cause a sort of grief. I'm grieving the loss of my family as I knew it; the loss of my future as I dreamed it (that's a whole 'nother story... just trust me that things have changed drastically enough to warrant a bit of grief there).
I think too often we try to be strong and tough, letting life's difficulties seemingly roll off our backs when really we just want to curl up and cry. It's okay to cry. Sometimes we should cry. It's even okay to allow yourself to get hysterical and scream and shout about the ridiculously unfair cards we've been dealt in life. I don't have to pretend to be tough when it seems my world is crashing in around me.
I think we minimize grief because it's tough for others to watch. It makes other people uncomfortable when we cry and/or scream. Because of their discomfort we tend to try to stuff our own feelings down and deal with them quietly. This week, I've not dealt with it quietly. I've screamed, shouted, bawled and wept. I don't feel bad about it... I've given myself permission to feel it all to not censor my thoughts or feelings but to just let them be for now.
It seems to help. Each day is a bit brighter than the day before. Soon, I will be looking for frugal ways to occupy my time and fill the quiet voids in my day. I know this. But, right now... I'm grieving.
A Painted Line
With silk stockings rationed, resourceful women took to having their legs painted to resemble stockings - complete with A Painted Line for the seam.
4 comments:
ahh - I appreciated your post.
I think grieving the changes in life - and the disappointments - is important. We need to reflect on how things were or how things could have been and to process that information. It makes us better friends and people in general. It makes us wise. Or, at least, it has the capacity to if we do it well.
Of course, it's never a good thing to wallow around in the grief. I heard Dr. Stan from SO say that you use your grief like a sweater. Sometimes, you need it there briefly to give you comfort. But when it's warm, you take it off. And sometimes, it's OK to just go put on the grief sweater not because you are cold or necessarily need it, but because it feels good. It's comfortable and familiar...
But eventually, you take the sweater off and go out into the sun.
This bit of time is sweater time - but there will be sun ahead. I'm excited for the sun for you and hope you don't rush the contemplatory phase right now. It might not be exciting, but I think it's important in its own right.
Wishes of peace to you!
Thanks, mama.
I like the sweater analogy. It's very appropriate.
Heather, I'm not quite as eloquent as Mama but just wanted to say I'm always around if you want to talk or vent. I also lost my beloved Jelly recently plus I've been through the "empty nest" thing. (And I promise - once that odd feeling wears off - you will see the up sides to it, lol.)
Try and look at their college years as a long vacation to enjoy your freedom because once they are past that, marry and the babies start coming, you'll probably spend more time with them than you do now.
Anyway - I came across your blog and don't want you feeling alone.
Again, I'm around if you need me.
Hugs,
Linda
Life cycle changes have HUGE impacts on our lives and we can't discount the feelings that go along with them. Even POSITIVE changes ( giving birth, launching children ) have bittersweet feelings attached to them. We can't give birth without feeling some pain but the joy outweighs that in the end.
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