Feeling a bit lost...

I've been MIA from the blog for several reasons lately. First, we had a German exchange student for 3 1/2 weeks that kept me pretty busy. Second, we had Spring Break and a trip to my daughter's college choice for a dance audition (she was accepted and received a scholarship from the dance dept) which involved 3 trips in 3 weeks and was exhausting. And finally, our beloved puggle puppy was killed when she was run over by the mailman's car this week. We're very sad about that.

Now, the house is empty and quiet. The German student has returned to her family. We enjoyed her visit very much and learned a lot from her. It was great to have her in our lives. Our youngest daughter is very busy working and preparing for prom, graduation and her trip to Germany. So, she's not home very much. And, the oldest daughter is still off at college.

And now I understand what an empty nest feels like. It's quiet.

This post has nothing at all to do with frugal living. I'll get back on track with those thoughts soon enough.

What I'm writing about today is giving ourselves permission to grieve. I'm grieving several things right now. Of course, the loss of my little buddy but also the changes occuring in my life also cause a sort of grief. I'm grieving the loss of my family as I knew it; the loss of my future as I dreamed it (that's a whole 'nother story... just trust me that things have changed drastically enough to warrant a bit of grief there).

I think too often we try to be strong and tough, letting life's difficulties seemingly roll off our backs when really we just want to curl up and cry. It's okay to cry. Sometimes we should cry. It's even okay to allow yourself to get hysterical and scream and shout about the ridiculously unfair cards we've been dealt in life. I don't have to pretend to be tough when it seems my world is crashing in around me.

I think we minimize grief because it's tough for others to watch. It makes other people uncomfortable when we cry and/or scream. Because of their discomfort we tend to try to stuff our own feelings down and deal with them quietly. This week, I've not dealt with it quietly. I've screamed, shouted, bawled and wept. I don't feel bad about it... I've given myself permission to feel it all to not censor my thoughts or feelings but to just let them be for now.

It seems to help. Each day is a bit brighter than the day before. Soon, I will be looking for frugal ways to occupy my time and fill the quiet voids in my day. I know this. But, right now... I'm grieving.